Friday, February 12, 2010
I'm homesick. Can I be honest? I'm (Keri) tired of living in transition. I've (we) have been living in transition since spring of 2007, when we first decided to move to Spain. For most of 2007 and 2008 we were mentally transitioning out of Chattanooga, and physically packing and moving from one house to another to another to another and finally landing here. I remember thinking how glad I was to be settled when we finally got here. And on the one hand, I am settled and our lives do have a pretty stable routine and I try to make the best of it. But on the other hand, I have subconsciously continued to live in a temporary mindset - knowing that we weren't going to stay here forever so why bother putting down any sort of roots? That is probably not a good thing. Looking at staying for a third year makes me a little weary emotionally. I'm not sure I can pinpoint what it is that would make me feel settled. I still long for freedom and familiarity. I long to stock up my pantry and craft closet and start projects without thinking I am going to have to pack it all up or leave it in another year. I long for date nights with David and for worship in English. I expect that these feelings will come and go. I suppose it is the case for everyone who has had to leave their home. We are hoping to come home again this summer, and as much as I am looking forward to that - I am also dreading it a bit because I know it will also be temporary. Transition is really hard...
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2 comments:
Thanks for sharing your thoughts, Keri. I can definitely relate (even though we are not in the exact situation and don't even live outside of the country), and I appreciate your honesty. Even though I love where we live and the people here, I've realized that I feel somewhat "homeless". We don't know where we're going next, when we are going, what we are going to do, and many of our friends are in the same position and are moving or have already moved. I look around and see lots of friends who have put down roots and are "settled down", and I sometimes I feel like there is something wrong with us.
It is hard to be in transition, but I keep reminding myself that these times of transition reflect our true identity as sojourners awaiting our true home, where we won't have to pack/unpack, say goodbye, or wonder what is coming next. That doesn't always soothe the present ache, but it gives me something better upon which to fix my eyes.
Hey Keri,
I just popped over and got caught up after receiving your prayer email. I know you're probably in a bit of a different place even now than when you wrote this (every day is different emotionally, it sometimes seems!), but I wanted to write and say that I can really empathize and will pray for you about this. The transition is one of the very hardest parts for me. I'd be happy to talk about it anytime if it would be helpful!
A few other thoughts- Valentine's Day looked so sweet, and I went to your other blog and am excited about trying your hummus quesadillas. So you don't put tahini in your hummus? Does it work well that way?
Didn't mean for this to be so long! Know that you're in my thoughts and I will be in prayer for the 'rootless' issue as well as the things in your email.
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